FSU SUCKS. and when I say suck, I mean REALLY REALLY SUCK

Tim Tebow has beat the crap out of so many teams, medical journals now classify Tebow as a laxative.

When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.




A Tallahassee area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.

Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its ass. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard, the Florida State Chop song come out the guys butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naiveté of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs. "There, look at the cork in the ass of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Then the Florida State Chop song started playing.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that. I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song."






What do you call an FSU Grad wearing a suit and tie?
The Defendant


The FSU football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?" All of the players raised their hands. "The appeal!" they shouted with CrimiNOLE pride.



What do FSU Football players usually get on their SAT's?
Drool


Do you know why Doak Campbell switched to Artificial Turf in 2000?
To keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime


What's the difference betwen a 300 pound heifer and a FSU cheerleader?
About 30 pounds, but if you grain feed the heifer, she'll catch up.


How many Alabama fans does it take to change a light bulb?
About 75,000. One to change the bulb, and 74,999 to stand around and talk about how great the old one used to be.




How do you keep a Nole out of your front yard?
Put up Goalposts


There's a car with a Nole linebacker, a Nole Receiver, and a Nole DB. Who's driving?
The cop


What's the difference between the Seminoles a.k.a. the Semenholes and a bucket of shit?
The bucket




What's the best thing to come out of Tallahassee?
I-10


Why is FSU changing their mascot to the possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.


What should you do if you find three Noles buried up to their necks in cement?
Get more cement!


A FSU grad, a Miami grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The UF grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the Florida grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The FSU grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers that the UF and Miami grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"





What do a Florida student and an FSU student have in common?
They both got accepted to FSU


A guy walks in to a store and goes to the clerk and says, "I want a garnet shirt, gold pants, and white shoes." The clerk says "you must be an FSU fan." The guy says "yeah, how did you know? was it the color combination?" The clerk replies, "No, this is a hardware store"


There was a couple who were getting divorced, so the judge said to the child, "Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?" "No," said the child, "he beats me." "Do you want to live with your Mom?" "No, she beats me too." "Well who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with a Semenholes Fan." Confused, the judge asked, "Why?" The child replied, "Because they never beat anybody that's good!"


Why couldn't FSU have a nativity scene this past Christmas?
They couldn't find three wise men.


Top 10 Classes taken by FSU football players:
1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC's: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines


What are the toughest 6 years in a Nole's life?
3rd grade.


How many FSU freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, it is a sophomore course.


Why don't Noles use 911 in an emergency?
They can't find 11 on the dial.


Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Florida school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans. As they climbed higher, they argued as towhich one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Miami grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Miami! Go Canes!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the USF grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for South Florida! Let's Go Bulls!" Seeing this, the Florida grad walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!" and pushed the Nole off the side of the mountain.


Why do FSU grads hang their diplomas in the rear windows of their cars?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.


What's the difference between a Nole and a dollar bill?
You only get three quarters out of a Nole.





After Bobby Bowden dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour.

He shows Bobby a little two-bedroom house with a faded FSU banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Bobby looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill.

It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Gator flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Gator banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Urban Meyer gets a mansion with new Gator banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. "That's not Urban's house," God says. "That's mine."


What do you call a drug ring in Tallahassee?
the huddle


What do FSU Grads call UF Grads?
BOSS


How do you get to Tallahassee from Ft. Myers?
Go north 'til you smell it, west 'til you step in it





"Some guys play for the BCS Championship, some guys play in the Emerald Bowl".
-- Urban Meyer





A Nole and a Volunteer walk into a bar, the Volunteer asks the Nole, "What does FSU mean?", he says, "Florida Stomped Us". The Nole asked the Vol what UT means and he said, "Us Too."


This Recruit is visiting 3 coaches, Bobby Bowden, Randy Shannon, and Urban Meyer. He goes to Miami to Visit with Randy Shannon first, about halfway through the interview he notices this golden telephone on the counter, and says, "What is that telephone for?" Coach Shannon says, "It's a direct link to heaven, you want to make a call?" the recruit says "Sure, does it cost anything?" Randy says "$50 it's a steal, whatta ya say?" Recruit says, "nah, I'll wait". He moves on to Tallahassee next to talk with Bobby, and he notices that same telephone, and says, "Is that a direct link to heaven?" Bobby says, "Why yes, you want to make a call? only 35 bucks." Recruit says, "nah, I'll wait". Finally, he makes it to Gainesville to speak with Urban, and he notices that SAME telephone, and asks "Is that a direct link to heaven?" Urban says,"= "Yeah, you want to make a call, its free" Recruit says, "Free? I don't get it, I visited Randy, and he said it was $50, and Bobby said it was $35, why is it free here?" ,Urban answers smuggly, "Because here in Gainesville, It's a local call my boy".


What do you have with 32 FSU cheerleaders in a room?
A full set of teeth


Why can't the Seminole player get into a huddle on the field anymore? It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.


What is the one thing Bobby Bowden ALWAYS brings to Gainesville?




But I'll give the Noles one thing. Jenn the Cowgirl.



on 2nd thought. We got Erin Andrews. And hers are real.

College Football Week 12 Wrap Up

The upsets are back! The upsets are back! Who wants to be #2 in the country? Not I.


#1 LSU's got this thing about them. They don't have to outgain you. They don't have to play exceptionally well. They don't have to look like the #1 team in the country. They just have to win, and win they do. The took their show on the road to Ole Miss this week against the one time Tennessee Volunteer QB Brent Shaeffer. The star of the game was the little guy. Trindon Holliday ran a kickoff 98 yards to the house, making a couple moves, in just over 13 seconds. The Tigers won 24-41 despite being outgained 466-396. A bigger story might be that the Bayou Bengals gave up 466 yards to the Rebels.


#2 Oregon felt that number 2 doo doo voodoo on Thursday night. They started out looking like they were going to trounce Arizona. This was the game Dennis Dixon proved why he was the Heisman frontrunner. All the talks of Dennis Dixon's knee being bad were put to rest when he scampered 39 yards on 4th down for the first score of the game. The next Ducks drive, Oregon was down deep in the red zone and Dizon hit a reciever in the chest, and it popped up in the air, and was intercepted. The drive after that, Dixon was scrambling out to his left, went to cut up field, and fell to the ground. Uh oh. He tore his ACL and is out for the season. It wasn't until they said the name of Oregon's back up QB that I knew they had no chance. It was Brady Leaf. As in Ryan Leaf's brother. As in "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ALRIGHT?" RYAN LEAF! Oh, and Ryan Leaf was there on the sidelines to cheer little brother on. At one point, they interviewed him and asked something like "don't you wish you could just get in there and help him out?" To which I thought, "Yeah right. Nobody in their right mind wants Ryan Leaf anywhere near their football team." What a stupid question." Anyways, Arizona won 34-24 and ruined Oregon's national title hopes.


#3 Kansas keeps taking care of busniess. They beat up on poor little Iowa State 45-7. Todd Reesing keeps proving he needs his name in the Heisman talks, going 21/26 for 253 4 TDs/0 INTs.


#4 Oklahoma caught that upset bug on Saturday, too. They just got beat up. The Sooners lost their QB, Sam Bradford, early in the game, and could have cost them, but Texas Tech did most of their scoring in the first half, anyways. Texas Tech is one of those teams that will murder you if you can't defend the pass for 4 quarters. Red Raiders QB Graham Harrel threw the ball 72 times. That's how many times some teams throw the ball in 3 games. Sooners fall 34-27.


#5 Missouri did their part in keeping the upcoming game with Kansas a beast. They will be playing in Arrowhead Stadium instead of the Jayhawks regular stadium, as the powers that be anticipate many more fans than seats in Lawrence. But Mizzou QB Chase Daniel tore it up, going 28/41 for 283 with 4 TDs/0 INTs. Tigers' freshman Jeremy Maclin set an all time NCAA record for total yards by a freshman. He had 360 total yards including 143 receiving yards with 2 TDs and 194 kick return yards with a 99 yard run back for a score. Look for this kid to keep demolishing the competition for at least a couple more years in Tiger land, and make a name for himself in the future on Sundays.


Pat White, of #6 West Virginia is a beast. He really is. He doesn't have to throw for a whole lot of years, but he's efficient. He doesn't HAVE to run for a whole lot of yards. He just chooses to. The Mountaineers went on the road to take on #22 Cincinnati this week in what was a look out game for the boys from Morgantown. Pat White threw for 140 yards and a pick, but ran for 155 and 2 scores in WV's 28-23 win.


The "biggest rivalry" in college football had one of it's ugliest games on Saturday. #7 Ohio State went to the Big House to take on #21 Michigan for the Big 10 title. I called weeks ago that Michigan would win this game because it would ruin Ohio State's chances of a national title. Well, we all know Illinois ruined that one last week, so my prediction was ruled null and void. Michigan combined for less than 100 yards of total offense. Michigan QB Chad Henne led the game in passing yards with 63. It was nasty. The game was won single handedly by Beanie Wells. He rushed for 222 yards and 2 TDs in the Buckeye's 14-3 win. They now have their tickets to the Rose Bowl punched. That is, unless things fall their way, and unfortunately they could, and they get a call from the BCS championship bowl where they will be destroyed.


#8 Airzona State was idle this week and plays USC on Thursday night.


#9 Georgia brought #23 Kentucky to town for a nice meeting between the hedges. The Dawgs running game has really started to shine ever since the Florida game. Freshman Knowshon Moreno and Thomas Brown combined for 197 yards and 2 TDs in this game. Dawgs won 24-13.


#10 Virginia Tech played host to Miami. No need for highlights. You already know who won. Va Tech rolls 44-14. The Canes suck, and I love it.


#11 USC was idle and plays Arizona State on Thursday night.


#12 Florida looked a little shakey early against Florida Atlantic. With a little over a minute left in the first half the score was 28-20 Gators. Then Tim Tebow hit Cornelius Ingram on a 26 yard pass with 9 seconds left to bring the score 35-20. The Gators would not allow a point in the second half, and went on to win 59-20. The Big news out of this game came from, who else, but Tim Tebow. He became the first person on the planet in D1 history to throw for 20 or more TDs and run for 20 or more TDs. As long as Darren McFadden doesn't run for 1,000 yards and 5 scores against LSU, I would say Mr. Tebow's got that Heisman on lock.


#13 Texas was idle this week.


So was #14 Virginia.


All #15 Clemson had to do was beat stumbling #17 Boston College and they were in the ACC championship game, and probably headed to the Orange Bowl. BS was having none of it. In what was a back and forth game, Matt Ryan hit Rich Gunnell for a 43 yard strike with 1:43 left in the game, and put the Eagles up for good, 20-17.


#16 Hawaii played Nevada and needed a FG with 11 seconds left to win. Colt Brennan only played a couple snaps, as he's still recovering from his concussion last week. He is currently tied with Ty Detmer for the career passing TDs record at 121.


#18 Boise State beat Idaho 58-14. The WAC is whack. We need not discuss this anymore. They would be bottom of the barrel teams in any major confrence in the country, including the ACC and confrence USA.



#19 Illinois needs to make t-shirts that read 'The Juice is loose!' Illini QB Juice Williams had another outstanding day against Northwestern. He went 15/23 for 220 yards with 1 TD/1 INT. He rushed for 136 yards and 2 TDs. The Fighting Zook's routed NW'ern 41-22.


#20 Tennessee welcomed Vanderbilt to Knoxville on Saturday. The Commodores did everything in their power to get the one win they need to become bowl eligable. Tennesse was down 24-9 going in to the 4th quarter. But, the Vols dropped a 16 spot in the final period to win 25-24


#24 UConn beat Syracuse 30-7. No surprise here. The Orange are terrible.


All I'm going to say about #25 Wisconsin's in over pathetic and embarrassing Minnesota is that the Badgers gave up 500 yards to a team who lost to North Dakota. Or was it North Dakita State? Either way, you get my point. (upon further review it was ND State. Horrible.)


New Top 5 Heisman Candidates

1. Tim Tebow, QB Florida
2-5. Doesn't matter.


New BCS Rankings

1. LSU 9-1
2. Oregon 8-1
3. Kansas 10-0
4. Oklahoma 9-1
5. Missouri 9-1
6. West Virginia 8-1
7. Ohio State 10-1
8. Arizona State 9-1
9. Georgia 8-2
10. Virginia Tech 8-2
11. USC 8-2
12. Florida 7-3
13. Texas 9-2
14. Virginia 9-2
15. Clemson 8-2
16. Hawaii 9-0
17. Boston College 8-2
18. Boise State 9-1
19. Illinois 8-3
20. Tennessee 7-3
21. Michigan 8-3
22. Cincinnati 8-2
23. Kentucky 7-3
24. Connecticut 8-2
25. Wisconsin 8-3



P.S. IT'S FLORIDA/florida state week. That means you already know what time it is. It's Great. To Be. A Florida Gator. I SAID...

College Football Week 11 Wrap Up

First, let's say we all know this is a bad year for Notre Dame football. There's no need to kick a man while he's down, but The Irish lost to a service Academy for the first time since 1944. They are now 1-9 and play Duke, who is also 1-9 on Saturday in a game that Duke has no business being anything more than a blow up doll for the Golden Domers to have their way with.


IT HAPPENED! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

#1 Ohio State brought unranked Illinois to the horse shoe on Saturday afternoon in what they figured to be a warm up game for Michigan in the Big House next week. Problem is, Jim Tressel would rather walk in on his dog commiting suicide than a spread offense. It gives him nightmares, or at least it should. He can't figure it out to save his life. The Illini's QB, Juice Williams put himself on the top of my personal heroes list for the week. I thought Michigan would beat OSU next week because they had nothing else to play for, than ruining the Buckeye's season. But my boy Ron Zook said, "Don't worry BigSlim. I got you son." The game started out with OSU scoring on 2 plays and me going, "Oh, good. Dammit Ron Zook we can't count on you for anything, can we?" Then he called me and said "Watch this, and shut up." Illinois dialed up their own 2 play TD. Nice. After that, the Juice Williams show as in full effect. The Illinois QB went 12/22 for 140 yards and 4 TDs/0 INTs. His counterpart, Todd Boekman, went 13/23, 156 yards with 0 TDs/3 INTs. The big story of the game was the 4th quarter. Ohio State snapped the ball on offense 3 times in the 4th. Illinois kept the ball for the last 8+ minutes. They just drove down the field, going for it on a crucial 4th down around their own 30 yard line, in which OSU burned a timeout because they had 12 men on the field, while Illinois was in punt formation. During the break, Juice told the Zooker "Let's go for it. I'll get it." He did, and the rest is history. The final was 28-21. The only thing going on now is OSU is praying that Oregon goes to the BCS Championship, because if they play them in the Rose Bowl, that spread offense will expose them even more nastily than the Fightin' Zook's.


#2 LSU brought in Louisiana Tech to town and crushed them, like they should have. The creamed the Bulldogs, 58-10. Jacob Hester was the standout player in this game, going for 115 and a TD on only 11 carries.


#3 Oregon was idle this week and plays Arizona on Thursday night.


#4 Kansas took their show on the road to play in Stillwater against the Cowboys from Oklahoma State. Jayhawks sophomore QB Todd Reesing had a very solid day, going 27/40 for 308, 3 TDs/0 INTs. Kansas RB Brandon McAnderson also shined, again on Saturday. He stacked up 142 rushing yards and 2 rushing TDs to go along with 27 receiving yards in the Kansas victory, 43-28. Personally, I think Kansas is thinking about jacking the Gators' swag. They're gonna try for titles in football and basketball. They probably won't succeed, but on the chance they do, I'm sayin you can't do it like the originals.


#5 Oklahoma welcomed punching bag Baylor to town, and showed their offensive firepower. Sooners QB Sam Bradford went 20/25 for 353, 3 TDs/1 INT. Demarco Murray went for 95 yards and 3 TDs in the Sooners 52-21 W.


The #6 Mizzou Tigers brought in the Aggies from Texas A&M in a game that had not 1, but 2 safeties. Missouri looked strong through the first half, but couldn't seem to put the Aggies away until late in the 4th. Tiger's QB Chase Daniel was outstanding, going 27/35 for 352 yards, 3 TDs/0 INTs. Jeremy Maclin led all receivers with 5 catches for 146 yards and 2 TDs in the Tigers defeat of A&M, 40-26.


#7 West Virginia played in those ugly all yellow, highlighter looking uni's on Thursday against Louisville in what was sure to be a game lacking defense. Brian Brohm, who was a Heisman Hopeful in the beginning of the year was trying to beat his exact opposite at QB, Pat White. He failed, again. White went 16/25 for 181 yards, 2 TDs/0 INTs. That's nothing special, but a Pat White type passing day. What separates the 2 are their rushing numbers. White went for 147 yards and the winning TD on a 50 yard scamper late in the 4th. The Mountaineers won 38-31.


#8 Boston College went from win and you're in The Game, to a two game losing streak. This time, the upsetting team was the Terps from Maryland, who also beat a ranked Rutgers earlier in the year. Matt Ryan threw for over 400 yards, and had 3 TDs, but it wasn't enough to hold off Maryland who piled on 472 yards of total offense in their 42-35 win.


#9 Arizona State was still mad coming off their loss at Oregon last week, and almost fell victim again Saturday to UCLA, who gave Notre Dame their only win of the season. In a game where no body stood out, the Sun Devils held off the Bruins, 24-20.


#10 Georgia brought in rival #18 Auburn for a meeting between the hedges. Dawgs QB Matt Stafford went 11/19 for 237 yards, 2 TDs/1 INT. Freshman RB Knowshon Moreno continued his recent dominance, going for 101 yards and 2 TDs. Auburn QB Brandon Cox threw 4 INTs, and the Tigers amounted for only 216 yards of total offense in the Georgia win, 45-20.



#11 Virginia Tech brought in the 'Noles on Saturday night. Bobby Bowden had never lost to Va Tech. The Noles were just coming off their win at then #2 BC. The Seminoles have that swarming, fast defense that was sure to give Hokies QB Tyrod Taylor fits. Not true. I was watching this game for a little while, and turned it when the Noles were down 20-6. A little while later, I turn back. Drew Weatherford is on the bench, and Christian Ponder led the Noles to the lead, 21-20. The 4th quarter was all VT though, and the Noles went down 40-21. Taylor was 10/15 for 204 yds, 2 TDs/1 INT. He also had 92 yards rushing and a TD to boot.


No Mike Hart and Chad Henne only playing in the first two series of the game proved to be costly for #12 Michigan. They went to Wisconsin, in what some pepople said was a sleeper game. Michigan knew that win or lose, they are playing for the Big 10 Championship and a spot in the Rose Bowl next week. So it wasn't a big deal if they lost. I think they were more worried about Mike Hart getting his rest so he can come back and play against Ohio State. Wisconsin took the W, 31-27.


#13 UConn proved to be a duck. Finally, in week 11, they were beat like the the Huskies of old. Cincinnati QB Ben Mauk went 21/33 for 276 yds, 3 TDs/0 INTs in the Bear Cats 27-3 romping.


#14 Texas is a second half team. There's no denying it. For the 3rd week in a row, they used the 4th quarter to put their opponent to sleep. Coming out of the half, the Horns were up only 28-20 against Texas Tech. They scored in the 3rd to bring the score to 35-20. In the 4th, both teams turned it on, but fortunately for Texas, they had the lead going in, and won the game, 59-43. Colt McCoy threw for 4 TDs while RB Jamaal Charles ran for 174 yards and a TD in the game.


#15 Florida was on upset alert, as they will be every time they play a Steve Spurrier coached team. Percy Harvin didn't make the trip to Columbia with a sinus infection and migraines. That didn't matter. Tim Tebow passed for over 300 yards and 2 TDs and ran for over 100 and a career high 5 rushing TDs. Tebow also broke Emmitt Smith's record for most rushing TDs in a season by a Gator at any position. Sneior Bubba Caldwell caught 11 passes for 148 yards and a touch in the 51-31 route of the Game Cocks.


#16 Hawaii QB Colt Brennan needed only 3 passing TDs to break the all time record, of 121 held by Ty Detmer. He got 2 trying it, and then got injured. Detmer's record is sure to be broken the next time Brennan takes the field. Hawaii beat Fresno State 37-30.


# 17 USC went to #24 Cal in what was a must win game in the Pac 10. The Trojans are easing John David Booty back in to the swing of things, as he only threw the ball 20 times. The story comes from the stable of RBs SC carries with them. Chauncey Washington broke out for 220 yards and a TD in the 24-17 win.


#19 Virginia listened to the football Gods before playing Saturday night. All fans of football in the south that aren't Cane fans were hoping for an embarrassment, and boy, what an embarrassment it was. The Orange Bowl was shut down on the worse home shutout in Miami history. I can't stop smiling as I'm writing this. I hate the Canes almost as much as I hate the Noles and Gayton Manning. Miami's defense, which is always 'so good' gave up more than 400 yards and 48 points in this glorious game. Canes lose 48-0 and drop a stinker in the dump that is (soon to be was) called The OB.


#20 Boise State beat Utah State 52-0. I hate Boise State. I wish they would go away. 11 of 12 teams in the SEC would straight embarrass them, and for some reason they are living off of last year. They're in the WAC and they're not undefeated. Is that not enough for them to be unranked?


#21 Clemson is inching closer to playing in the ACC championship game for a spot in that Orange Bowl. Tigers QB Cullen Harper went 27/35 for 266 yds, 3 TDs/0 INTs. Wake Forest could only manage 10 points in this 44-10 Tigers victory.


#22 Alabama got upset by Mississippi State for the second straight year. The only difference is this year, it makes the Bulldogs bowl eligable for the first time since 2000. Bama QB John Parker Wilson gave the game away with the clock ticking away in the first half. Bama was on the 2 yard line and looking to score, which would have put the Tide up 16-3 going in to the half. He threw an interception that was taken 100 yards to pay dirt. The Bull Dogs never looked back, and won the game 17-12.


#23 Penn State beat instate rival Temple 31-0. Lions QB Anthony Morelli went 22/33 for 260 with 3 TDs/1 INT. PSU running back Rodney Kinlaw ran the ball 27 times for 168 yards and a score.


#24 Tennessee contained Arkansas RB Darren McFadden as much as you could hope to. Run DMc ran 22 times for 117 yards and no scores in the Vols 34-13 victory over the Razorbacks.


In a game where nobody really stood out, #25 Kentucky beat Vanderbilt 27-20.



New Heisman Top 5:

Dennis Dixon, QB Oregon
Tim Tebow, QB Florida
Matt Ryan, QB Boston College
Darren McFadden, RB Arkansas
Pat White, QB West Virginia


New BCS Top 25

1. LSU 9-1
2. Oregon 8-1
3. Kansas 10-0
4. Oklahoma 9-1
5. Missouri 9-1
6. West Virginia 8-1
7. Ohio State 10-1
8. Arizona State 9-1
9. Georgia 8-2
10. Virginia Tech 8-2
11. USC 8-2
12. Florida 7-3
13. Texas 9-2
14. Virginia 9-2
15. Clemson 8-2
16. Hawaii 9-0
17. Boston College 8-2
18. Boise State 9-1
19. Illinois 8-3
20. Tennessee 7-3
21. Michigan 8-3
22. Cincinnati 8-2
23. Kentucky 7-3
24. Connecticut 8-2
25. Wisconsin 8-3

The Orange Bowl is Almost Gone!

Saturday, November 10 2007 will go down as one of the most glorious days in recent sports memory. The shittiest stadium ever constructed will hold it's last major athletic event.

I am talking about the infamous Orange Bowl, or OB, in Miami. It opened for play way back in 1937 and I have to imagine it was a terrible stadium even then. I mean, have you ever been there? It's the worst. So cramped that it's impossible to enjoy a game. So small a powerful high school program, like St. Thomas Aquinas, would feel disrespected to be asked to play there. It played home to the Dolphins until the opening of Joe Robbie Stadium (later re named Pro Player, then Dolphin Stadium) in 1987


It has hosted many memorable events such as:

Jan. 14, 1968 -- Vince Lombardi's final game as coach of the Green Bay Packers. They beat the Oakland Raiders in Super Bowl II, 33-14

Jan. 1, 1965 -- Joe Namath is stopped shy of the goal line on fourth down, and his Alabama Crimson Tide failed in their quest to deliver Paul "Bear" Bryant's fourth national championship, losing to Texas 21-17.

Jan. 12, 1969 -- Back at the Orange Bowl as a pro, Joe Namath delivers on his guarantee, as the New York Jets pull off a stunning 16-7 win over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III.

Jan. 1, 1984 -- Miami wins its first national championship, beating Nebraska 31-30 after the Cornhuskers fail on a two-point conversion in the final minute.

Nov. 23, 1984 -- Hail Flutie. Boston College quarterback Doug Flutie finds Gerard Phelan with a desperation pass on the final play of the game, giving the Eagles a stunning 47-45 win over Miami.

Oct. 14, 2006 -- Marring the first-ever meeting between Miami and Florida International, the teams brawl during the third quarter. In all, 31 players from the schools are sanctioned, including 18 from FIU. Miami won 35-0.





Despite all these great memories, the only ones I take away are the fans. That's not a good thing. Anyone who's ever been to a Miami game, and is not a Miami fan, knows that I'm talking about. It's as if you murdered every single one of their mothers. Don't walk by where the students wait to get in the game, if you're tailgating, even while wearing neutral colors. Anything not Orange and Green might as well be Garnet and Gold or Orange and Blue. Everyone is the enemy. You will be spit on, cursed at, have beer bottles thrown at you, some broken, some still containing beer. You will start to re evaluate the price you paid to go to the game. Was this even worth the trip down to Miami at all?


The memory that brings it together for me the most, is FSU at Miami in 2004. I got the tickets for free, so I can't complain about the cost. I went with a couple of my buddies who were students at FSU, and were there, obviously, to support the 'Noles. We had tickets near the Alumni section, so it was all mostly friendly shit talking through out the whole game. Towards the end, when it looked like FSU had the game under wraps, a guy who proclaimed himself to be off duty Miami-Dade PD came up to us and said "Hey guys, I just want to thank you for keeping it civil. I'm a cop and a lot of times people get rowdy, and out of control. You guys got us this year, but you know how it goes. Fuck Florida State," and headed back to his seat. He was obviously drunk out of his skull, but we thought 'hey, finally, a decent drunk Miami fan. We better not hold our breath for another one.'

Then, with 30 seconds left, Sinorice Moss caught a 30 TD from Brock Berlin, and the game was headed for OT.

Then, in OT Chris Rix fumbled on the Seminoles first possession. Frank Gore ran in for a TD and the game was over.

The same cop who thanked us for being civil then decided to show his face again. This time, it wasn't so pretty. A shirt that was being sold at FSU before the game read Muck Fiami, which one of my boys was wearing. It being Florida in September it was at least 400 degrees outside, so the shirt was off and over the shoulder at this point. Well, this guy comes down in typical Cane fan fashion and starts yelling and being retarded. He grabs the shirt off my boy's shoulder, wipes his ass with it (not really, but made the motion) and then threw it. Then, he snatched the hat off the same kid's head, and threw that. This almost turned in to a brawl, because my boy was on some 'I'm no bitch. Fuck him, he owes me money for that shirt and that hat, and I'm takin it out of his ass' type shit.

We quickly reminded him that while we had his back, the odds were impossible, and we should just chalk it up as an L and keep it moving.

That said. Fuck the Orange Bowl. There's no parking, it's in the middle of the one of the most dirty neighborhoods, Little Havana (sorry, but it is fuckin dirty) in all of Miami. The seating is terrible, the stadium was outdated 40 years ago, and I can't wait to watch them blow it up.

So, There's This Kid in Seattle

His name is Kevin Durant. Maybe you've heard of him. You know, the 18 year old 6 foot 9 string bean that plays basketball? The collegiate player of the year? The first freshman to ever win it, ever? The number two pick in the '07 NBA draft?


Well, on Halloween, he played his first NBA game in Denver against a playoff team with two superstars and the defending defensive player of the year. He looked like a dear in the headlights. He shot a miserable 9-29 (.286) from the field and had 18 points, 5 rebounds, 1 assist and 1 block in 33 minutes.


This wasn't his first college game, scoring 20 points in 22 minutes against Alcorn State. Back then he wasn't being PAID to play. It was still just a game, and not his job.


He looked scared. He should have been. I mean, it's a big deal to be the number 2 player taken out of every single available person for the league. All eyes are on him, with the #1 pick, Greg Oden out for the year. It's a big deal to be 18 years old and playing for a 4 million dollar paycheck. It's a big deal to have to perform in order to keep those endorsement deals coming in.


Since that first game, he hasn't been on TV, so my judgements are based on the highlights only. But he's changed that look. He looks like it clicked for him. It looks like someone told him, "hey bruh..it's still only basketball."


His scoring has gone up to 24 points a game, he's averaging 6 rebounds a game, and his shooting percentage has increased in every game this year. The Sonics are still winless, but they only lost to 7 to the Suns, which shows hope. They are one of the youngest teams in the league. The team average in age is the same as the starting five, which is only 25. Durant, the team's leader in points per game, is 7 years away from that. Which is scary. Stupid scary.


The team is going nowhere but up. It's oldest starter is 28. They play in the west, which is, of course, the stronger of the confrences. They probably won't amount to much this year. But building a franchise isn't a one year deal. Ask the Bulls. They are currently building a franchise. That is, if they dont trade their investments for Kobe Bryant. That's not smart business, and is another topic in itself. If you put the right pieces together and let them mold, you will build a product that competitive season in and season out. Which the Sonics have the players to accomplish in a couple years.


I don't want to do an entire blog on the Bulls/Kobe thing, so I'll just throw it in down here. The Bulls would be stupid to trade for Kobe. The Lakers won't accept less than Ben Gordon and/or Luol Deng and number of other young talent. That doesn't make sense for the Bulls. If you look at these players like stock, it's selling your stocks that have unlimited potential low to get one high stock, that can't get much higher.

The pieces of the puzzle you'll have to give up to get Bryant would leave you atop the east, but without the depth or fire power to compete with the top teams in the west. Without being able to compete with them, you are unable to beat them. Which means no trophy. Which means you blew your future for nothing.

Should the Pats get the * Treatment?

Thanks to Don Shula, the whole world is now asking the question, "If the Patriots go undefeated, should they get an asterisk?"

We all know Shula was the head coach of the '72 Dolphins who were the last team to go unbeaten. He said, "The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished...You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it...I guess it will be noted that the Patriots were fined and a No. 1 draft choice was taken away during that year of accomplishment. The sad thing is Tom Brady looks so good, it doesn't look like he needs any help."

Now, I'm really torn on this subject. A part of me says they were caught cheating, point blank, period. If they do it, it deserves an asterisk.

Another part of me says they were caught in the first half, of the first game of the year, against a team who's record is now 1-8, and their only win came against the win less Dolphins. The Patriots won that game 38-14. If you take away the Patriots first half scoring, and kept the Jets first half scoring, the Patriots still win the game 24-14.

Obviously the league is looking for the Pats to repeat, and they're not stupid enough to do so. Do you really think the Patriots would have lost to the Jets without video taping them?

That's like if they catch A-Rod with a corked bat after hitting 2 HRs the first week of the season, they suspend him for 15 games, he comes back and breaks the single season home run record by 5. Like yeah he was caught, but take away the homers he hit with with the corked bat, and he still breaks the record.


I could honestly understand if there is an asterisk attached to the record, if the Pats go undefeated, but that just sucks for them. They are guilty, and there's no denying it. But again, if you take away the one half of one game they were in violation, they are still undefeated to date.


I can understand more if someone wants to say the past championships are tainted because you just don't know if they were cheating then or not. You have to assume they were because they were caught cheating. And you cheat until you get caught.

Are the 07' Pats the best team of this decade, and maybe ever? Sure looks that way now. But let's wait it out and see if they even go undefeated first before we get in to all this asterisk talk. I mean, they still have to play the Steelers who aren't looking bad. They have to play the Giants the last week of the season, when New England could have the back ups in, with home field secured and New York playing for the division title with Dallas.



Also, let me add this. Sure the Dolphins went undefeated in '72. They were a great team. But they only played 14 games. And their schedule consisted of 2 games against teams who finished the year over .500.

The Pats play the Bills twice, who could very well finish over .500, the Chargers who are currently 4-4 and have LT on their team, the Browns who are currently over .500, The Cowboys, the Colts, Steelers, and Giants all who will finish over .500

The MLB GM's Are Trying...

...to get it right.

On Tuesday, the 30 GM's voted on a proposal to bring instant replay in to baseball. The vote was yes 25 to 5.

They understand that it shouldn't be used for every little thing. It's going to be used on home runs. Did the ball clear the fence, or hit the top and bounce off? Did a fan reach just over the fence and grab the ball? Also, for those potential HR balls that end up within inches, either way, of the foul pole.

To be finalized, MLB commissioner, Bud Selig, look over the vote, and either give the nod or deny the GMs the right to come up with an official proposal. Then, Selig would have to approve along with the Player's Association.

MLB commissioner Bud Selig has said for years he's not a supporter of instant replay because it would slow the game and take the game out of the hands of the umpires.

I always thought that was a dumb comment. Yes, you want the game to be handled by umpires. But you want them to be right. You want a potential season changing call to be the right one. And how long would it really take? As long as when the catcher comes to the mound, then all members of the infield, then the pitching coach? It would be shorter than that. Or would it take as long as it does for the coach to come out and argue the call? I don't think so.

It wouldn't be that big of a break in the game, especially if you do it like in college football, where the refs don't make the decision. A replay judge has access to every angle coming from the broadcast would put in the call that the play needs to be reviewed, and would take a minute to sort out.

You don't want the umpires going under the hood like the NFL refs. That takes too long. Even on obvious calls, it takes them two minutes to go over, check the tape, double check the tape, confer with another official upstairs and all the other steps. In college, the Ref throws on a pair of headphones and they say "reverse the call. put x amount of time on the clock. the ball should be placed on the __ yard line. 2nd down, 6 to go."

In baseball, they would throw on the headphones and hear "It was a home run. the score is now 7-4." or "No home run. Ground rule double, one run scored, men on 2nd and 3rd. 1 out." If it was a foul ball, it would be "No home run. Send runners back to 1st and 2nd. The count is now 2-2 and there is 1 out." Or "Fan interference. Ground rule double. Runner on 2nd, 2 runs score. Still 2 outs."


At the end of the day, it's all about making the right call. You don't accept a wrong call when it's obvious, so you shouldn't accept it when it's close.

I just hope Selig comes around, and the GMs get the proposal right.